Venue and Catering rollercoaster

So today two important things happened. The first one was YAY! The second one was NAY!

The first thing that happened is that we got a contract from St. John's to sign, thus securing our reception venue that we both love! YAYAYAYAYAY! I was so excited this morning and afternoon. In all the excitement, however, I neglected to look at the OTHER email I got today from a potential caterer. So, I casually opened the sample attachment and started adding up the individual prices. At some point I started to be concerned, but when I skipped to the totals at the end, I was flabbergasted. The grand total? Well, I am not sure I want the actual numbers out on the internetz even though no one reads this, anyway. However, I will say it is well over 80% of our TOTAL BUDGET! Granted, I am sure that they overinflate the initial estimates and also that there are many things we can do to cut it down. However, the menu, service, and rentals all seemed like reasonable options, so I am not even sure what the heck we will really be able to do besides the obvious, like buying used linens instead of renting, etc. I don't think we will be able to bring it down by enough to make it do-able. By the way, this estimate does NOT include alcohol (although it does include ice and bartenders), the cake, or the actual venue. With the venue fees? 95% of our budget!

So what, you are thinking, just go with a different caterer, right? Wrong. Our venue, that we have our hearts set on, only allows their in-house caterer or this one outside caterer. I have not gotten any firm numbers from the in-house caterer, but I am very concerned. They look like they have very good food, but let's face it. They are a college dining hall food service. Even Bowdoin, which famously had the best college food in the country, would have been iffy catering a wedding. I am sure they are used to catering events, but I am far from sold. Sigh. This could be bad. Couldn't we have had a day of just good news!!!

No News is Good News? I hope?

In case you weren't sure, today is May 9. St. John's had said that the academic calendar gets set "at the end of April or beginning of May". Now, I don't know what your system is for determining the beginning, middle, and end of the month, but mine is thusly: 1-10 = beginning, 11-20 = middle, 21-31 = end. So May 9 is getting really borderline for St. John's to not have confirmed their calendar yet!

In addition, I have realized that Memorial Day weekend is pretty much totally impossible for us. One reason you might know Annapolis, besides being the capital of MD, is the Naval Academy. And it turns out that their big graduation and commissioning generally falls on Memorial Day weekend. There is no way we would want to hold an event when every hotel will be booked and there will be all kinds of craziness going on the same weekend. As it is, May 17 will be the weekend before Memorial Day weekend, and the festivities start that weekend. I am hoping, however, that the weekend before will be much less in demand than the week of! One (hopefully possible) option for places for guests to stay, however, will be in the dorms of St. John's itself. They are saying right now it will be $75 a night, which seems really awesome, especially considering that it is so super close to the dining hall!

On other fronts, we have the choice between two caterers - the in-house Bon Apetit or Ken's Creative Kitchen. I am a bit worried, because last week I requested to make an appointment to review menu options and costs, but I haven't heard back from either one of them! I don't know what to think of that.

One thing I am starting to get very nervous about is the guest list. We have a limited number of guests, mainly due to the size restriction of the reception venue. Our dream guest list is WAY over the max for the dining hall, so we are going to have to be very careful about the guest list. There are several things that are giving me ogeda already. One, possibly not being able to invite some people I would love to have at the wedding. Apparently, we have too many friends! Two, we really won't be able to invite +1s. Three, I have dreams of having lots of little kids running around and little girls twirling their dresses on the dance floor, but the reality that I count over 20 possible kids is making me try to figure out having a babysitter at a nearby place so we can invite more adults.

I can' t believe how stressful these things already are and we haven't even made that many decisions yet. Maybe once we make the decisions, things will get less stressful? I hope so!

PS - Still haven't heard back from my camp! Ha - good thing we are planning on the alternative!

progress... maybe May 17, 2014?

So I had emailed the contact at St. John's College about a month ago and never heard back - ack! Well, last week I visited the facilities rentals page and realized that there was a different contact name! So I rushed off an email to the new contact. I hadn't heard back as of this morning, so I finally decided to just call and see what the heck was going on.

The new contact, Christine, was very nice, and it didn't seem like she had gotten my email (although I double checked and it matches as far as I can tell, but whatever). We talked for a few minutes and even though they have not set the academic calendar (and still won't until the end of April), so far it looks like May 17 is open! Woo hoo! Then the only other date after that (with the possible exception of Memorial Day weekend) is June 21 - which is getting a bit into the 'so hot I want to die' territory. So, keep your fingers crossed no one at St. John's decides to hold an event the weekend after their graduation! We are 'penciled' in - which means that any academic plan could bump us, but if something comes up, she will contact us to let us know and I am also hoping it means we get first dibs if another couple comes along.

I was just stalking some pictures of the dining hall and am so excited and REALLY hope that it works out for us on May 17. I am trying to keep my expectations low, but I am getting pretty excited about it. I think I will be disappointed if it doesn't work out, especially since I KNOW the other venues are getting booked as we speak. So, again, trying to stay zen about it.

One thing about the dining hall is that we only have two options for caterers - Ken's Creative Kitchen and Bon Apetit, the on campus caterer. However, I am pretty sure either will be super. I am dreaming of a farm to table menu a la Founding Farmers and they both seem like they could do it, so I am happy!

Seriously, keep your fingers crossed between now and the end of April, when I think we will have more assurance that we can get the dining hall!

PS I still have not heard back from camp. I am OK with it, but I think it is a sign that it wasn't meant to be. Ah well. I guess it is making our decision for us!

location update

So, we are in a holding pattern with our venue/location decision. We are waiting to hear back from camp for a couple weeks now about price, etc. I am starting to be concerned that it would be difficult to do from here, as there are so many things to figure out from hours away. We are also waiting to hear back from our clear first choice for Annapolis reception...

The Edgar Higgins Dining Hall at St. John's College, Annapolis

http://www.stjohnscollege.edu/admin/AN/facilities.shtml

You have to scroll down to see it and the picture doesn't really do it justice. There tall windows you can see in the picture look out over the playing fields and College Creek in the distance. It is the perfect mix of historic, size, prettiness, and affordability. The MAJOR drawback? Since it is the school's only dining hall, you can only rent it when school is not in session. And they will not have the academic calendar set until April or May! So we cannot reserve the room or even get a date! Needless to say, this is difficult for making decisions about caterer, band, and basically everything. I have an email in to the facilities coordinator, but I haven't heard back in a couple weeks.

So, this is all kind of disheartening. I would just say let's go ahead and reserve our second choice, but we don't have a clear second choice. In other words, we don't really agree what our best next choice would be. Mike would like to use our church fellowship hall. I could see that being fine, but there are a few drawbacks, the main one being that even though it is a big room and very nice, it is still basically the church basement. Size is an issue, as well.

My next choice would be Ram's Head Live - a concert venue in Annapolis. It is huge, but since we would want it on a Saturday, it would be a bit spendy. Although I really don't think it would be any more expensive than St. John's plus catering.

We also really like Londontown Gardens, but the space is weird and I am afraid the reception would feel discombobulated. Quiet Waters is also a fine option, but it is kind of blah. Both of these are further away and would require a car drive, which we would like to avoid if possible.

I am sure any of these would be OK, but as we wait to hear back from camp and St. John's, we are risking other options getting booked - which is not really great for my stress. I am trying to kind of just be zen about the whole thing, but there is also this big fear that everything will fall apart and it will be a disaster. If things are this stressful now, I am really worried I will have a breakdown as the wedding gets closer!

location, location, location

As of yesterday, M and I have been engaged for 2 months - that went by so quickly! We put off doing any heavy lifting until after his birthday in early January, but for the last month we have been doing a lot of work trying to figure out where we want to do this thang.

At first, our options were spread all over the east coast - Maine, Boston area, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, Carolinas. Well, we quickly ruled out New England and Virginia and the Carolinas, as the thought of doing all the planning from afar basically gave me a panic attack. Obviously, MD would be convenient and NJ would be possible since we have my parents there and it is only a few hours away, easily doable for weekend trips.

Last weekend, we took a trip to NJ to check out a few places. We went to my camp, as well as the Red Mill in Clinton, Hunterdon Hills Playhouse, Razberry's, and my not so secret favorite, the Prallsville Mill. We really like the historic options, but the Mill would mean a tent and renting *everything*, which would be really difficult to do from afar. The Prallsville Mill was beautiful and I still love it, but when I tried to make an appointment to see the inside, the management told me they weren't showing it because there was a non-profit group having an event there. When we drove by, there was no one there! They didn't offer to send info or talk about anything, and that just left me wary. If they aren't responsive at this point in the process, I would not like working with them once they have our deposit. The other options seemed OK, but not amazing and no less expensive than what we could do in Annapolis, so it just doesn't seem like it makes sense.

The one option we are leaving on the table is my camp. Of course, I love my camp. I haven't been back in forever, and it was so good to pull in, see the place where I spent so many of my formative summers. The caretaker couple that was there when I worked there met us and showed us the new rec hall and we caught up about old friends and current lives. Of course, I loved being back, but what I didn't really expect is that M would fall in love as well. He was more taken with it than I thought and for that reason among mine, we are leaving camp on the table until we get a better idea of costs and break things down a lot more, like how we will get elderly folks around, etc.

We have also been pursuing out options in Annapolis. Annapolis is a natural place to have the wedding, since that is where M and I go to church. We love our church and it would be a beautiful place to have our ceremony, but the difficulty we are having right now is where to have the reception. There are a few options, but they all have a drawback. First, though we need to decide on which state to have it in! We are having a strategy meeting tomorrow, so hopefully we will start making a few more decisions!

Dress stress

Hiya! I know there is at least one person who will read this on their RSS feed. Hi, Clare!

So even though we don't have a date, venue, firm guest list, photographer, caterer, or even know what state we want to get married in, I am already having a really specific terror. If you know me at all, you can probably guess what it is...

Yup, the DRESS! DUM DUM DUM! In case M ever reads this, I don't want to talk about it in detail. But I am not even really thinking about specifics here. Mostly, I am talking about my fear of the whole process.

I am not the kind of person that enjoys shopping. I am very frugal and hate spending so much money on badly constructed clothes. Recently, my work pants were literally falling apart before I finally motivated myself to go shopping. I also just do not like trying on clothes in general. I have about 20 minutes before I get so mentally and physically exhausted that I want to lay down on the floor of the dressing room and take a nap.

There is also the matter of the traumatic experience I had while buying a bridesmaid's dress for my friend B's wedding. We were at a small bridal boutique - I had come all the way from Minnesota to NJ specifically to be fitted for it. Our attendant pulled the sample (which was several sizes too small, of course) and clipped it to kinda fit on me. Then she proceeded to make a few comments about how difficult it was to fit me in the thing and 'irregular' sizes. Then she took my measurements and wrote them down. Once I was in my clothes again, we sat down to put in the order. It was a separate top and skirt, but you had to order all the same size (kind of defeats the purpose of separates, right?). The way my measurements were, she suggested that I order a size several sizes larger than what my other measurements would suggest, and about 5  or more sizes bigger than my street size. Of course, they charged me an extra 40$ for that on top of an already pricey dress.

Fast forward to when the dress came in and I got it, the same weekend as B's shower. I 'tried' it on. And by that I mean that I threw it up in the air and let it billow over me like a parachute. It was TERRIBLE. It was so huge that it literally didn't look like clothes, it looked like a tent. It was so bad. I took it back to Minnesota and found a great seamstress. She literally had to take apart every seam in the entire dress and also to add a center seam in the middle of the bodice to make it look right at all. I had two fittings for it. When she was done, it looked much better, and she handed me a grocery bag stuffed with all the extra fabric (I still have it somewhere, I should find it and do something with it! like, you know, make a year's worth of clothing).  When we got to the wedding day, one of the other bridesmaids had gotten a bad size as well, but this time too small. She had it altered as much as possible, but even then, the zipper pulled apart and wouldn't stay shut, and I had to sew her in the bloody thing.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I struggle with my body image every day as it is, and there are so many expectations and fears that I have with the dress that it already feels overwhelming and scary. I have several options, like a 'plus-size' bridal boutique, DB, and what I will probably end up doing, having a dress made.  In a dream world, I would love to go with my mom and have it be an awesome mother-daughter bonding time, but in reality, I know that will not happen and I am grieving about that. I am very blessed that several people have eagerly volunteered to go shopping with me. I know that they would be supportive and helpful.

OK, now that that is out, I have a million things to do today! We are having a craft exchange party, I am SO excited, but I haven't made my gift yet - yikes! Luckily, I have the materials, I just need to go ahead and get it going! Hope you all have a glorious weekend!

(By the way, the dress in question was worn once more in my life... and there is even a picture on this here blog! Can you find it?)

Is this thing on?

Tap! Tap! Tap! Anybody out there?

Greetings! It has been a REALLY long time since I have made a post. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I have been thinking about reviving this thing for a while. The main reason? I want to blog about... wedding planning! I read this site called Weddingbee, and while I don't think I have the consistency or courage to be so public about our plans, I do like the idea of writing about the process to refer to later, and possibly for a few friends, etc. But first, I want to just start out and see if I can keep up with it a bit! I will try to start out with the back story of how I got to be engaged in the first place. Next up!